Haven't Posted In A While

Why hello there my lovely blog. This is probably going to be a random post about sheer nothingness I just felt that it was the right thing to do to post something on this blog so that it doesn't look like I've abandoned it completely. Not that I've abandoned it, it's just that I haven't had much time to sit down and think of something to post on this blog. This blog is different from my other one; this blog is for well thought out things and my other one is just for silly pictures. Needless to say, I guess i just haven't had time to think about things to say on here. Also, I really need to change the name of this blog. I made this blog when I was going through a rough time and the title of it reflects how I felt; but I don't feel like that as often anymore and the constant reminder of how I was when I first made this blog is just completely unnecessary. The only problem is that I can't think of anything to call this blog. I have been rattling my brain trying to think of a name for it and it just isn't coming to me. I guess I really shouldn't be spending so much time on such a small detail but it means a lot to me. Oh well...don't you just love how this post that was supposed to be completely random turned into a rant about how I want to change the name of my blog...funny how things work out lol :)

wow.

I've been going through some of my old posts and it's just bringing back so many painful memories. You think that I would be over all the things that have happened to be but I guess I'm not because they still hurt like they happened yesterday...

Retreat Season

It’s almost retreat season!! I am really excited!! I don’t know what it is but I am feeling different going into this retreat than I have on any other ones. Maybe it’s because I’ve had the humbling experience of the kitchen to open my eyes to what these retreats are truly about but all I know is that I’m ready to serve!

I’m really excited. Being in youth ministry, this is what I live for! The opportunity to bring catholic teens closer to their faith and closer to God. To be able to show them that it’s okay to express their love of God and Jesus to the world. To let them know that they will always have a place at our parish where there are people who are willing to listen and lend a helping hand with their struggles or help them understand their faith further.

Retreat season is what I live for and it just changes my whole outlook and every retreat is an amazing experience. People think that because you are a peer leader or on the retreat team that you aren’t experiencing the retreat yourself. The reality is that although each of us have been on our own retreats, we are still experiencing the same things the students are; just on a different level. Being able to see the power of Christ move these teens in ways that they never thought is more powerful than anything and being apart of that transformation is life changing.

I’m so ready for this retreat this year! I’m pumped and I wish retreat season would be here faster! <3

SERIOUSLY?!?!

wow! needless to say i had an interesting and crappy afternoon!
what made it so bad you may say? oh nothing except the fact that my dad called my house today! not many people know the story of my life because i keep it to myself but my parents got separated and then divorced when i was 7. that makes it about 12 years…so for the first time in TWELVE YEARS he decides to call…i dont think so!

and on top of that…he told my mom a sob story about how he has been in and out of homeless shelters lately and such. normally i would have compassion and sympathy for someone like this but he is a compulsive liar so i think it’s complete and total BULL!

he tries to make it out like he has it so hard! well guess what?! you don’t…the children you abandoned have it rough! i have to go everyday seeing other little girls and their dads and watch them do things that i could have done if my dad wasn’t such an idiot and total failure as a father.

this is how much of a failure he is…he got drunk once when he was seeing us and decided it would be a genius idea to give me a piggy back ride. WRONG! TERRIBLE IDEA! he hit a wall and fell on top of me! so after 12 years of neglect and abandonment and no financial support of any kind i feel like a total stranger called me today. thank god i didnt talk to him because if i had im pretty sure it wouldnt have ended pleasantly.
of course like every girl i long for my dad to be with me…but not after 12 years of nothing and the out of the blue expecting me to want to talk to him…im sorry but you have to earn your way into my life again if you are even going to try this time…and believe me…it will not be easy.

while you had your gold digger of a girlfriend and HER kids to support…i’ve been worrying about how im going to afford things because guess what…we’re not financially stable…there’s 2 of us and one parent…do that math JERK! im starting college in the fall and im on feewaivers thank god other wise i wouldnt be furthering my education at all. so before you throw out these sob stories think about how you left your “family” and just shut up. thanks for ruining my day which showed great potential for being good

just add to my brokenness why dont you….

Day 11

A song from your favorite band: "Promise of a Lifetime" by Kutless

The Pains of Starting Over

You've lived your life so many years
Laughed, cried, won and lost
Sometimes life was amazing
And other times it just beat you down
No matter what life threw at you,
You always made it out stronger.

So what do you do when you find,
That all the hard work you've put into it,
Just wasn't the way to do things at all?
When you find out that you life,
May not be turning out the way you wanted
Even though all those years ago,
It was perfect...

How do you rewrite your life;
Break it down into tiny moments,
And try to see what happened a long the line,
To make it so hard?
How do you start over
When you've worked all your life
To reach this moment?

Will it be easy,
Or will it just be another opportunity
For life to beat you down?
Will all the friends you've made
Still be with you when you decide,
"Maybe it's time for something new...something better"?

Starting over isn't easy,
No one said it would be,
But then again, no one ever warned that it would be difficult
You don't have to rewrite you entire life,
Just look back on past experiences,
Reflect on your actions,
And learn from them.

Our past isn't there to haunt us
For things that we did,
It is there for us to grow, learn,
And eventually say,
"Wow, I've lived an amazing life"

Starting over is painful, but starting over for yourself and no one else, is worth it in the end.

Day 10

A song that makes you fall asleep: A song that makes me fall asleep is "A La Nanita" by the Cheetah Girls