SERIOUSLY?!?!

wow! needless to say i had an interesting and crappy afternoon!
what made it so bad you may say? oh nothing except the fact that my dad called my house today! not many people know the story of my life because i keep it to myself but my parents got separated and then divorced when i was 7. that makes it about 12 years…so for the first time in TWELVE YEARS he decides to call…i dont think so!

and on top of that…he told my mom a sob story about how he has been in and out of homeless shelters lately and such. normally i would have compassion and sympathy for someone like this but he is a compulsive liar so i think it’s complete and total BULL!

he tries to make it out like he has it so hard! well guess what?! you don’t…the children you abandoned have it rough! i have to go everyday seeing other little girls and their dads and watch them do things that i could have done if my dad wasn’t such an idiot and total failure as a father.

this is how much of a failure he is…he got drunk once when he was seeing us and decided it would be a genius idea to give me a piggy back ride. WRONG! TERRIBLE IDEA! he hit a wall and fell on top of me! so after 12 years of neglect and abandonment and no financial support of any kind i feel like a total stranger called me today. thank god i didnt talk to him because if i had im pretty sure it wouldnt have ended pleasantly.
of course like every girl i long for my dad to be with me…but not after 12 years of nothing and the out of the blue expecting me to want to talk to him…im sorry but you have to earn your way into my life again if you are even going to try this time…and believe me…it will not be easy.

while you had your gold digger of a girlfriend and HER kids to support…i’ve been worrying about how im going to afford things because guess what…we’re not financially stable…there’s 2 of us and one parent…do that math JERK! im starting college in the fall and im on feewaivers thank god other wise i wouldnt be furthering my education at all. so before you throw out these sob stories think about how you left your “family” and just shut up. thanks for ruining my day which showed great potential for being good

just add to my brokenness why dont you….

Day 11

A song from your favorite band: "Promise of a Lifetime" by Kutless

The Pains of Starting Over

You've lived your life so many years
Laughed, cried, won and lost
Sometimes life was amazing
And other times it just beat you down
No matter what life threw at you,
You always made it out stronger.

So what do you do when you find,
That all the hard work you've put into it,
Just wasn't the way to do things at all?
When you find out that you life,
May not be turning out the way you wanted
Even though all those years ago,
It was perfect...

How do you rewrite your life;
Break it down into tiny moments,
And try to see what happened a long the line,
To make it so hard?
How do you start over
When you've worked all your life
To reach this moment?

Will it be easy,
Or will it just be another opportunity
For life to beat you down?
Will all the friends you've made
Still be with you when you decide,
"Maybe it's time for something new...something better"?

Starting over isn't easy,
No one said it would be,
But then again, no one ever warned that it would be difficult
You don't have to rewrite you entire life,
Just look back on past experiences,
Reflect on your actions,
And learn from them.

Our past isn't there to haunt us
For things that we did,
It is there for us to grow, learn,
And eventually say,
"Wow, I've lived an amazing life"

Starting over is painful, but starting over for yourself and no one else, is worth it in the end.

Day 10

A song that makes you fall asleep: A song that makes me fall asleep is "A La Nanita" by the Cheetah Girls

Growing Up With Two AMAZING Best Friends

We all met in the 6th Grade and became friends. 7th grade came along and we became best friends. 8th grade rolled around and people were telling us that we wouldn't be friends in high school because "that's just what happens".

8th Grade:

 
Well we made it past 8th grade and high school came along. We stayed best friends and you guys were there for one of the worst times in my life our freshman year. We cried together because we felt each others' pain. We had fun with each other our first year in high school.

Freshman Year:

  We finished our freshman year and went on through high school. We each got our own groups but no matter what people said, we stayed best friends. We didn't hang out as much because the hustle and bustle of school kept us all busy but no matter what we always talked and told each other everything. We are the kind of friends who do dumb stuff together, laugh at each other when we fall and have each other backs even if one of us was missing because of the differences in our schedules in life.

High School:

 

And now we are graduating and growing into young women. We have proved all those people who said we wouldn't be friends wrong. Not only are we friends, but we stayed BEST FRIENDS. I love you girls with all my heart. I can't believe we have made it as friends for SEVEN YEARS! I've gained amazing friends along with two sisters!

Graduating:

 And here we are after all these years, still making each other laugh and still being amazing together.We have each had our moments of triumph and defeat. We are there for each other no matter what. We will be friends forever and always!

"Friends will come and go, will walk in and out of your life..But...only TRUE friends will leave their footprints on your heart"

Day 09

A song that you can dance to: I would have to say "Boys Boys Boys" by Lady Gaga :D

Some times I wish things could just go back to the way they were when everything was okay with my life.

you know....back when all you would see on my face was this:

and it was REAL and GENUINE all the time...

Day 08

A song that you know all the words to: I know all the words to "Today My Life Begins" by Bruno Mars

Prom Night Bust.....

So last night was my senior prom. I was really excited to go this year because that's all I wanted to really do this year. However, unlike all of my friends...I didn't go. I went to Angela's house instead and we had a sleepover, but it wasn't the same. Sure, I had fun with her because we always have fun together but now today I get to see every one else's pictures of prom and get constantly reminded that I will never have that memory. Super sad and depressed that I couldn't go and I wish I could have. Man, this is making me wanna cry. My life pretty much sucks this year. Go class of 2011....I guess </3 :'(

Day 07

A song that reminds you of a certain event: "What Faith Can Do" by Kutless. it reminds me of when i gave a talk at a retreat and shared my story.

Day 06

A song that reminds you of somewhere: "Never Gonna Be Alone" by Nickelback reminds me of when i went on my retreat for church. it was a life changing experience and i'm glad i went

Day 05

A song that reminds you of someone: I would have to say "Seven Times Seventy Times". It reminds me of myself because have been through so much in my life.

Day 04

A song that makes you sad: i would have to say "when she cries" by britt nicole. even thought it has a nice message at the end, it reminds me too much of how i was about three years ago when something in my life sent me into depression and it reminds me of how i can be now when things get bad. :'(

Disappointment :/

You always have to fight and work for what you want because you aren’t as priviledged as others. Up until lately, I’ve never had a problem with this reality, but now that I’m going to college next year I’m finding disappointment. I got into my first choice of the colleges that I applied to and I may not even be able to go there because it’s too expensive. On top of that, my mom said she might not be able to get me a yearbook and it’s my senior year; plus, I didn’t even get to go to prom. I pride myself on being a person of faith, but lately I’ve been feeling like God is never on my side. I know these things aren’t the worst things in the world, but they were really important to me. By no means do I blame my mom because she does everything she can for me. And by no means is this being posted as a way for me to get sympathy; I’m simply venting and if you don’t like it then you don’t have to read my blogs. In simple terms, this year has be filled with much to much disappointment </3

Day 03

A song that makes you happy: "Don't Worry Now" by Britt Nicole

Day 02

Your least favorite song: man...there have been a few of these throughout the years. i would have to say that although i love the beatles, I hate "Yellow Submarine" it's just no bueno

Day 01

Your Favorite Song: oh jeez. um right now it would have to be "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri

30 Day Music Challenge

• Day 01 – Your favorite song
• Day 02 – Your least favorite song
• Day 03 – A song that makes you happy
• Day 04 – A song that makes you sad
• Day 05 – A song that reminds you of someone
• Day 06 – A song that reminds you of somewhere
• Day 07 – A song that reminds you of a certain event
• Day 08 – A song that you know all the words to
• Day 09 – A song that you can dance to
• Day 10 – A song that makes you fall asleep
• Day 11 – A song from your favorite band
• Day 12 – A song from a band you hate
• Day 13 – A song that is a guilty pleasure
• Day 14 – A song that no one would expect you to love
• Day 15 – A song that describes you
• Day 16 – A song that you used to love but now hate
• Day 17 – A song that you hear often on the radio
• Day 18 – A song that you wish you heard on the radio
• Day 19 – A song from your favorite album
• Day 20 – A song that you listen to when you’re angry
• Day 21 – A song that you listen to when you’re happy
• Day 22 – A song that you listen to when you’re sad
• Day 23 – A song that you want to play at your wedding
• Day 24 – A song that you want to play at your funeral
• Day 25 – A song that makes you laugh
• Day 26 – A song that you can play on an instrument
• Day 27 – A song that you wish you could play
• Day 28 – A song that makes you feel guilty
• Day 29 – A song from your childhood
• Day 30 – Your favorite song at this time last year

Love

Love

It’s something people are always raving about
Something everyone seek, something people crave and need.
If you aren’t constantly looking for it then you are deemed a loser.
I’ve always stayed away from seeking it
Love can be full of many wonderful things
When you find someone who accepts you
When you feel complete with that person
These things are rare these days
Love is more often full of unpleasant things
It’s full of lies and deceit
People can be unfaithful and hard to trust
Heartbreak is almost inevitable now
And when you fall in love, you fall just as hard when it’s over
And yet, I still want it
After all of the unpleasant facts, why do I crave for a love of my own?
After so many years of avoiding, why do I want it now?
It must be that deep in my heart,
I know that of you try hard enough at something, it has to work
It has to be the same for love,
You can’t just give up when something small goes wrong.
Anything worth having and holding on to is never easy. <3

Finding Yourself

Everyone claims to be 100% real
It would be a wonderful world if people weren’t fake
It’s not easy to be yourself in this world
People can ridicule your for sticking to your values.
Eventually you can lose yourself
And you conform to what other people want you to be
And you do it to make everyone else happy
You seem happy on the outside, but you’re miserable on the inside
You’ve finally had enough and want to find yourself again
You know who you are, but you’ve been pretending for so long
It’s hard to get yourself back
Once you do, you’re relieved and happy again.
Go back to bein you and don’t let anyone change you
Hold on to who you are because friends come and go but you are forever.

Stay True To Yourself Because At The End Of The Day You Have To Live With Yourself

A QuoteI Came Up With

“Life is complex. It comes with the territory of growing up and maturing. All you can do is take the rough times and use them as instruments to make you stronger. Don’t let the tough times get you down because anything worth having in life never comes easily or without a fight”

—	Malissa Diaz

Bad Days

They say that what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger
Sometimes it feels like what doesn’t kill you only comes back
To slap you in the face and beat you even harder until you can’t get up anymore

Random Reflection on Stuff Going on in my Life

Feels like i can’t breathe. When I’m around you, I always make sure that I’m not making a fool of myself according to your definition. You tell me not to care what everyone else thinks, yet you are the first one to judge and belittle me. You tell me to be an individual and yet when I speak my mind you look at me like I’m stupid and completely disregard me. I should care what you think, but for some reason I do. The inconsistency if your moods and attitude affects everyone around you. You bring others down with you when you are in a bad mood. You mostly bring me down; always trying to talk to me but never opening up or really caring about the things we talk about. I ask for your advice but all you do is tell me that I’m in the wrong or say it isn’t a big deal. To be honest, you do more harm to be as a friend that good. At this point in my life, I don’t need a lecturer, I need a listener. If you can’t do that simple task for me, then I have no choice but to leave you in the dust and move on to greener pastures in my life.

Cross out what you've done

graduated high school.
smoked a cigarette.
kissed someone.(apart from family)
gotten so drunk you passed out.
ridden every ride at an amusement park.
collected something really stupid.
gone fishing.
watched four movies in one night.
gone long periods of time with out sleep.
lied to someone.
snorted cocaine.
failed a class.
dealt drugs.
been in a car accident.
been in a tornado.
done hard drugs.
watched someone die.
been to a funeral.
burned yourself
run a marathon.
cried yourself to sleep.
spent over $200 in one day.
flown on a plane.
written a 10 page letter.
gone skiing.
been sailing.
cut yourself.
had a best friend.
lost someone you loved.
shoplifted something.
been to jail.
dangerously close to being in jail.
had detention.
skipped school.
got in trouble for something you didn’t do.
stolen books from the library.
gone to a different country.
dropped out of school.
been in a mental hospital.
watched the “harry potter” movies.
had an online diary.
fired a gun.
gambled in a casino.
had a yard sale.
had a lemonade stand.
actually made money at the lemonade stand.
been in a school play.
taken a lie detector test.
swam with dolphins.
gone to sea world.
voted for someone on a reality tv show.
written poetry.
read more than 20 books a year
gone to europe.
used a coloring book over age 12.
had surgery.
had stitches.
taken a taxi.
seen the washington monument.
had more than 5 im’s/online conversations going at once.
overdosed.
had a drug or alcohol problem.
been in a fist fight.
suffered any form of abuse.
had a hamster.
pet a wild animal.
used a credit card.
gone surfing in california.
done “spirit day” at school.
dyed your hair.
gotten a tattoo.
had something pierced.
gotten straight a’s
been on the honor roll.
known someone with hiv or aids.
taken pictures with a webcam.
started a fire.
gotten caught having/going to a party while parents were gone

Memories

Everyone has them
Some are good and some are bad
Some are small and others are huge
Some full of love while most are full of pain
Some easily forgotten and others stick to you like crazy glue
The painful ones are usually the ones sticking like crazy glue
All you do is try to let go and make yourself free
Good memories are what you should hold onto; cherish them forever
Memories are supposed to make us happy not sad
Bad memories are there to protect us
They teach us lessons and then we let go
Good memories make us smile when we need to the most
Memories are meant to be let go or cherished and held onto
It’s up to us to know the difference and sort out our experiences on our own
note: i’m not a pro writer. don’t judge

Broken Hearted

what do you do when the person who is supposed to love you the most in the world drives a knife through your heart?
well this question pretty much sums up my day. my mom told me to go to hell today and then she said that she meant it and that she wasn’t going to apologize or take it back. if that’s what love is all about then i don’t want anything to do with it.</3

The Wind

This is some of the randomness that occurs in my head:

I lay in the car and I watch the wind blow strongly. Its huge gusts blow leaves out of the trees and every so often I feel its big arms grab the car I’m in and give it a rattle. I watch as it carries away leaves and I wonder what kind of unseen things this wind is carrying. I feel like there is more to this wind than people think and that it is carrying something other than debris through the sky. Maybe it’s carrying the laughter of children all around so that others may share in their joyous rituals. Or, perhaps it carries music in its strong embrace. Sweet melodies wisp through the sky so that others may hear the gorgeous symphony they make when they combine. Most of all, when the wind is this strong, I think it carries millions upon millions of dreams in its mighty arms. Dreams that long to be reality and dreams that are just put into to place to instill hope in people. They are carried through the trees in hopes that they might be shared with other, and this, I believe, is the most noble and beautiful thing about this mighty and majestic wind. It has the capacity to carry these things across vast distances and beyond so that people everywhere may feel joy, listen to the beauty that is music, and be given hope for a better and brighter tomorrow. That is all a person can ask for and this noble and majestic part of nature that we call win grants all of us that very experience as it whips through our hair and through our lives. :)